It's the Climb.........

I have always liked the Hannah Montana song "The Climb", but lately it seems to run through my head an awful lot. I have always kind of thought it was my song, but it sure seems to fit me more these days. 

HANNAH MONTANA - THE CLIMB LYRICS

I can almost see it That dream I am dreaming But there's a voice inside my head saying "You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing The chances I'm taking Sometimes might knock me down But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it But these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most, yeah Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb, yeah!
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Some body's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb, yeah!
Keep on moving, keep climbing Keep the faith, baby It's all about, it's all about the climb Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

This is another one of those moments I am emotional and teary. So you may want to just stop reading this here so you don't cry right along with me.  Just as this song says, "I have dreams", and I can tell you that having a child needing a bone marrow was not on my wish list or dreams. "Every step I am taking, every move I make feels lost with no direction, YES my faith has definitely been shaking. But I gotta keep trying, gotta keep my head held high".....If any of you know me very well, you should know that "There is always going to be another mountain and I am always going to want to make it move". I have always been the type that has always wanted to do more, to help anyone to do anything for anyone. "I am always wanting to make the next mountain move. But sometimes I am gonna have to lose".... I also do not like to ask for help!  I am very much a do it myself kind of a gal. I don't like to ask people to help me... But the Lord has made me realize this mountain, I can't climb myself and has made me realize that there are angels all around us willing and able to help. I am definitely losing on the fact of doing this myself...."It ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side.....It's the Climb!!!!"   "The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking, sometimes might knock me down, but I'm not breaking"......  Trust me, for those of you who keep telling me I am a tough cookies, or I am so strong, or I am amazing.... Let me tell you how many times I have been knocked down..... I might look tough, but deep down I am crushed!  I have definitely been knocked down.... But no I am not breaking......."I may not know it, but these are the moments I will remember most, yeah just gotta keep going, but I, I gotta be strong, just keep pushing on.".....I definitely have gotta be strong.... Not only for Ariauna but for the rest of my family, I will continue to keep pushing on.... "Cuz, There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna want to make it move, always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.... Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what's waiting on the other side......It's the CLIMB!!!!"   So for any of you out there who might be wondering how I can be so strong, the answer is..... I AM NOT.....Most of you just have not seen me fall apart. Most of you have not seen me go outside the hospital and scream at the world and have a complete melt down. Most of you have not seen me leave Ariauna under the nurses care, while I go down the hall away from Ariauna where she can not see me to have a complete melt down and then try to gather myself together to come back to the room to be strong for her. Most of you have not seen me call Jerry, my mom or my best friend crying my eyes out because I am afraid, afraid of what lies ahead...afraid of what could or couldn't happen. Most of you have not seen me praying on my hands and knees and pleading with my father in heaven to help my little girl and to give her the strength to endure more than she already has in her eight years of life. Most of you have not seen how physically and emotionally drained I am and the worst has not even begun. Please know that yes, I try to be strong, yes I try to be tough, yes I might look like I am holding it all together but deep down, I am a mess, I am scared to death for my angel, I am lost, broken, and a complete basket case. The next few months, I plan to spend with my family. To make every moment count, to take one day at a time and make the best of it. I think our family is living proof right now, of how things can change in an instance. I took Ariauna to the doctor thinking she had a stomach virus that wouldn't go away. I find out she needs surgery again from her problems at birth and a few days later am told she has a rare disease that there have only ever been 200 cases reported and that she HAS to have a bone marrow transplant. Things can change in an instant. Tonight, as I sit here shedding tears at this laptop, I pray to my Father in Heaven that he will help me make this "CLIMB".....I know we have a tough road ahead, I know I am going to look back at these last 5 weeks that we thought were so tough and realize they were nothing compared to watching my baby lose her hair, watching her not eat or drink because the chemo is making her so sick and because she has sores in her mouth, watching her have every part of bone marrow that is left in her body killed off so that she can have a "New BIRTH" of bone marrow and pray that it will attach and start to grow on its own. I know I can not make this "CLIMB" on my own. I am so grateful for a wonderful family who has helped me so much the last 5 weeks and who I know I will be needing to help me make this next "CLIMB". I am grateful for my close friends who have kept in touch and offered anything and everything to help me and my family, I am thankful for our ward family who has been taking care of my loved one's at home and who have been fasting and praying on our behalf. I can not thank you all enough and ask you to please continue the prayers that not only me, but our family can make this "CLIMB" May God bless you all for everything you are doing to help us!  Love,  Natalie